So after a fun day out with Mother & the babe I seemed to be hit hard... for some unknown reason my body is coming out in hives. Not pretty or fun... feeling swollen, uncomfortable and rather generally unsexy. Couple of 'emotional spanners' also, hurtful messages and revelations are not helping with trying to be calm and recover my body's equilibrium.
Rather odd, I'm not unused to fear, anxiety and all that family... but (as Mother pointed out) I'm doing life sober... at this point (with puffy hands) I'm not sure I like it! But, on a serious note, I feel so much better for seeing things clearly, and not through the fog of whatever... you can see people and life for what it really is...
Though realisation of reality brings with it its own complications: the world seems harsh, raw and sharp... there is no cushioning. It's a rather new experience for me... I like the truth... but I also like to believe that everyone is kind, loving and understanding... people can believe different things, live different lives but still come together under the banner of humanity. People who set out to intentionally hurt, or mislead are not counted amongst my favourite people... but sometimes I can accept they may have their reasons/causes, but I don't have to accept their treatment of me. (thanks to the Freedom Programme).
Sometimes life dashes my hopes of this.
Is there method in this madness really?
But I can hope... hope in the kindness of strangers... and the incredible possibilities of life... I expect to be surprised. Humanity can be tremendously cruel, so I have to believe in the other side of things as well.
There is much left open in my life, I feel it needs a decision... but I can't make one just yet... I'm content in the unknown right now...
I'll just keep swimming ;-)
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